Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
