His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
