if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
