Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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