dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
