I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
