if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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