Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
