He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
