im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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