At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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