yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
