It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
