What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
