i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
