my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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