see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
