Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
