she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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