Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
