I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
