I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
being pregnant is like rehab
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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