you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Randomize
