I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
