Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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