I wish I only lived at night.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i drank out of a bidet.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
