he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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