Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
