my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
