He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
