I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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