All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
