Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
