Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
