God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
