Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
