discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
