I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
