About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
