omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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