I met the friendliest cop last night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
