i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
