haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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