these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
