she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
