He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
