Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm chasing vodka with french fries.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.

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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.

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(586): View more from Michigan

We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.

Fav 2 639 364
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Come get me, I'm fucking scared.

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