OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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