we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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