So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
